I tried to catch my dinner

Today I returned from a prolonged journey to this town called Africa. It was many hours of flight away from Grand Rapids, Michigan where I dwell with my spousal unit. In my attempt to mingle with these primitive earthlings, I overheard a discussion about "fast food" and the importance to maintaining a schedule within earthling family life.

When I arrived in this city Africa, I was amazed at the difference I saw. Instead of black grass and armored primitive vehicles, I saw dried clay and dying grasses. While researching this concept of "fast food" I wanted to make sure I completely understood its purpose and meaing. I located this information:

(http://www.cheetahspot.com/)

Not so long ago cheetahs inhabited an area from North Africa to India, but they are now commonly found only in sub-Saharan Africa (south of the Sahara Desert). Their range includes sparse sub-desert, steppe (a treeless plain), medium and long-grass plains. They need an environment with bushes, tall grass and other large plants in order to hide from predators.

I wanted to try and have some of this fast food. The pictures I saw of this wonderful nourishment truly looked amazing. I attempted to approach this food source to only see this creature run away from me. The people I heard discussing fast food did not mention how difficult it was to catch!! I remained in the city of Africa for over 3 weeks in an attempt to catch my fast food dinner--however, I was unable to successfully do so.

Upon my return to my dwelling, my spousal unit informed me of this little information I failed to read on http://www.cheetahspot.com/speed.php

This cat is truly built for speed! Virtually every part of its body is adapted in some way to help it run faster. Special paw pads and semi-retractable claws provide great traction. Large nostrils and lungs provide quick air intake; a large liver, heart and adrenals also facilitate a rapid physical response. A long, fluid, greyhound-like body is streamlined over light bones. Small collarbones and vertical shoulder blades help lengthen the stride. The tail acts as a rudder for quick turning plus the eye's retinal fovea is of an elongated shape, giving the cheetah a sharp, wide-angle view of its surroundings. The dark tear marks beneath each eye may also enhance its visual acuity by minimizing the sun's glare. The spine works as a spring for the powerful back legs to give the cheetah added reach for each step. But the great speed is very taxing physiologically. The top speed, 71 miles per hour (114 kilometers per hour), can usually be maintained for only 200-300 yards. (274 meters). At that point the cheetah's body temperature increases from the exertion and rest is mandatory.

There has to be an easier way to have "fast food". I will have to continue to research this aspect of human life.

Yesterday Supreme Quagnuk Headquarters commanded that I investigate the strange anomoly Earthlings call sleep. Apparantly one of the Earth's television broadcasts was inadvertantly sent through the time space wormhole.

The sleep by number concept truly was amazing for Supreme Headquarters to understand. My spousal unit and I decided to go to this strange building for decorative cars, Art Van. ( www.artvan.com). They advertised the sleep by number bed(http://www.selectcomfort.com). I was rather confused by why someone would take a number just to try and sleep. Was there such a shortage of beds on Earth that they could only make arrangements to sleep?

When we arrived to this decorated car place, I was quite taken aback by what I saw. Instead of seeing hundreds or thousands of people waiting in line to have a few minutes of sleep, I saw something even more primitive than I imagined. This Art Van place had several hundred (or so it seemed) of pre-historic human, homo salesmanelis. This prehistoric human uses no modern tools as it competes within its environment for what is commonly called, a rube ( http://dict.die.net/rube/). This prehistoric human seems to subsist upon converging upon other humans, who by definition should be smarter and more intelligent than homo salesmanelis. These smarter humans must feel pity for these unintelligent sub species because they purchase items of reclining, sitting and eating for their homes.

Needless to say, I am still very confused about the human concept sleep. I was given the number 4,500, 329,763. I think I will be waiting a long time for a chance to sleep.

Iron--wasn't the metal I thought

Today was a very interesting day. My home planet has been devoid of most natural resources for several generations, hence, why I have been sent here. Looking for primitive life forms and their failures to properly use their natural resources will become one of my primary search functions.

I went to what they call a supercenter. My spousal unit and I went down this path in this "supercenter" and found one of the primary metallic resources for the building of space ships. Iron. I thought it was very convenient that these humans prepacked metal for each other. My spousal unit and I cleared off every box of iron that we saw and have transported back to quagnak. With the amount of iron we have sent they should be able to produce life support systems for at least 3 ships that will then be able to come to Earth for when we finally determine its disposition.

Note to self: Remember to call supreme headquarters about the possibility of reverting to less technological machines in our space craft. Earthlings also have boxes of vacuums that we can use for our experiments in matter-anti matter advancements.

quagnak time: 43:32:21

As an alien visiting this planet, I have been wondering about blogs for several of your Earth years. I always thought they were small little lizard like creatures that changed color when you held them up to different items. You know, kind of like the nauga, the animal they use to make naugahyde furniture. The internet describes the nauga thus:

An animal called the "Nauga" whose hides are supposedly the natural source of all the Naugahyde manufactured. According to the story, which has become something of folk-lore in parts of Connecticut, the Naugas are nocturnal, hairless, aquatic mammals of many colors that live in the Naugatuck River, and can be made to come to the surface at night by shining a flashlight into the water. The Naugas are then captured and sorted by color to be made into the various colors of Naugahyde. Allegedly, when rolled together on a mechanical press, the seams between the Naugas disappear, resulting in a seamless, leather-like product. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Naugahyde)

Finally, my spousal unit pointed out to me that blogs were actually some type of primitive communication device that allows humans to share thoughts, ideas, and feelings that seem to indicate a level of intimacy. (Note to self: take time to better understand Human concept of feelings.)